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This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001
Almost every BDSM enthusiast I've ever known remembers having kinky urges and even pervy juvenile adventures from a very young age. The average age for first experiments seems to be 7-9 years old. We aren't talking about kids being molested by adults, but about kids trying out this stuff on their own initiative, usually alone, or with each other. In spite of this very promising start, many of us, like many of our vanilla peers, grew up to be kind of stodgy about sex when it comes to kids.
Most thoughtful adults I've discussed this with agree that BDSM people have a right to reproduce but they also seem to feel that you can't BE a parent and also BE an actively sexual BDSM practitioner, like you can't be a nice girl AND also be a girl who "does". Excuse me?
Here's a popular misconception: that children are somehow harmed by proximity to adults who are actually getting some action, like instead only celibate nuns and monks who have recently scrubbed as if for surgery should raise them. Fact: children worldwide through the ages have understood perfectly well that their parents do sexy things with each other, and guess what...they don't care! Actually, children are pretty sturdy: they don't explode or melt if a whisper of sexual awareness drifts into their consciousness. Remember, we are talking about the same grubby little human beings who will, as soon as they can stand, joyfully strip naked and paint the nursery wall with the contents of their diaper unless they are physically prevented from doing so.
Children kiss dogs, torture bugs, turn kitchen implements and power tools into toys, climb on furniture, mark their skins with ink or self-inflicted hickeys, and invent the most ingenious, nasty, kinky little games to play with each other (as we have seen), but for them that's considered normal. Adults are supposed to know better.
There is no such thing as a vanilla child, but somehow we should mysteriously emerge from the teen years like a butterfly from a chrysalis, utterly transformed. A person is supposed to outgrow that stuff, not go and make a career out of it. Nobody told us that, though, because "we don't talk about those things". Sex is instinct: you are supposed to ~just know~ what to do.
Sugar Gak Cereal can sponsor "children's television entertainment" that features bondage, funny costumes, and dominance themes, and that's OK. Kids can play games that feature bondage, funny costumes, and dominance themes, and that's OK, but if Mommy and Daddy play games that feature bondage, funny costumes, and dominance themes, that's not OK. Excuse me?
I don't want to explain how something so ridiculous can seem so deadly serious to some people that we can have our children removed and our families destroyed. I'm afraid to try and explain it, for fear it might make sense. I can tell you this: it's never been proven that the mere awareness of the existence of erotic activity does any damage to children. I guess we are supposed to ~just know~ that, too.
How's this for a concept: "Mom and Dad have special, adult-only things we like to do. You have your games and toys, and we have ours. When you are grown up, you'll take part in adult-only activities too, and we hope you'll be as happy as we are."
Join Alt.com - largest BDSM/Alternative Lifestyle Personals!
This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001