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This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2001
Part one: Testosterone
The real reason that men are more interested in sex is because of testosterone. Males and females of every species have characteristics that are particular to their sex: it's not due to society's pressures with dogs, hyenas, deer or lions, so what makes us think we are different? Trust me, we are not *that special*.
Society's role is to prescribe and enforce approved behaviors. Society says, "This is what is expected of men, this is what is expected of women". Every society is different, but there are some things that are constant around the world: men are the ardent sex. Women tend to be more lukewarm about sex. That's hormones.
I've met thousands of BDSM people, and speaking only of them, it's true. Men are the ardent sex. Women need more encouragement and pampering to feel sexual than men do. These are gross generalizations, but they are generally true.
Guidebooks exist that tell Gay men where they can get a quick free blowjob all around the world. Where is the equivalent book for Lesbian women? I don't think there is one. Lesbian women are not meeting each other all over the world in public bathrooms or roadside rest stops, for quick, anonymous sex. Nobody is stopping them. They could do it if they wanted to. It just isn't happening. Very few women are looking for something like that, therefore there is no market for such a book for women, even if there are such places for women, which I frankly doubt.
Look at the women's' magazines. Look at the topics:
"How to have better sex with your man"
"How to be sexier for your man"
"How to make your man your total love slave"
"How to re-ignite the romance in your marriage"
It's all relationship stuff. It's all one-on-one stuff. It's not:
"How to be a total slut with all the men"
"How to get your ass licked anywhere, night or day"
"How to fuck, dump, and run like a pro"
"Fucked raw: 150 men in one night!"
See the difference?
I'm not saying there aren't any women who are sexually ardent and adventurous, but I am saying that they are a distinct minority...and you know in your soul that I'm right. It's a readily observable phenomenon. Look around! You know as well as I do that sexually aggressive women, sex-hungry women, are rare. Women aren't like men in that regard. They just aren't.
We can get hot. We can be pistol-hot from time to time. But women do not live at a pistol-hot level, like men do. For men, the simple problem of getting relief and a little lovin' is a major issue. It's something that gnaws at them from the inside all the time, particularly when they are young.
Pardon me for being blunt, but the big thing that men are looking for when they go looking for a long-term relationship is access to a convenient sex partner. Sex is a big deal to men, and women must remember that, and respect it.
Yes, respect it. Mother Nature Gave Men Hormones! The big bastard hormone of them all - testosterone: the fight-or-fuck hormone. That's what makes men aggressive, and it's what makes them feel sexy all the time. Testosterone is why men like the History channel and pornography. Testosterone is why men do weird, outrageous things like play golf on the moon. It's a force of nature!
We have to respect our natural sex differences, like we'd respect a hurricane, whether we like it or not.
OK, Ladies, I'm going say a few things that women should know and remember about men, in the hope that it might prove helpful to those of you who are confused by them.
Men are a noble sex. Men gave the world wonders like the Taj Mahal and golf on the *moon*. They didn't just go to the moon, they were *casual* about it. It's true that an overwhelming preponderance of works of genius were given to humanity by men. Men cover all bases when it comes to doing fantastic and wonderful things. Some of them even do the feminine things better than the women do. There are even male prostitutes, sucking cock like mad dogs every day and in every way showing us women up - and good for them! Bless them for it. All the architecture, machinery, chemistry, literature, music and everything that talented men have produced has enriched all our lives immeasurably.
A guy doesn't have to be a Shakespeare to be worthwhile. Men have guts. Men don't mind getting dirty or even bloody for a good cause. OK, yes they mind, but they do it anyway, because they are men. Some women will do the extreme things men will do, but most will beg off, citing excuses like "I have children to care for." That leaves it largely up to the men, and they are glad to be of service. OK, maybe they aren't glad, but they do it anyway, which is one reason why men are great. They aren't overly worried about their own feelings. Women often complain that men are relatively insensitive (compared to women). Well, that's true, but there are plenty of ugly things in life that it helps if you are not overly sensitive about. I'm not saying guys never cry when hip-deep in rainwater while hiding in a foxhole, but trust me, ~every woman would~. You know in your soul that I'm right.
Why are men like this? Well, the simple answer is hormones. You hear about women's hormonal adventures a lot, but men have hormones too, major ones. The king hormone of them all is testosterone, and ladies, even the wimpiest guy you know probably has more of it than you do.
It does mean something to have balls. Only men are men.
Thanks to testosterone, men are the passionate sex. Ladies, for your information, testosterone is like a demon from hell who is prodding men from behind with a flaming pitchfork, which constantly drives them forward, either into our arms, or over a cliff. Seriously, if we don't love them, they'll kill themselves. Sure they can masturbate (and without doubt they all do), but that is most emphatically not enough. Men are not just a pair of gonads on legs, they are human beings! Nobel human beings, with human needs. Just like women and children do, men need hugs and kisses. Women often make the mistake of withholding hugs from men because men who are hugged often spring a boner, but they can't help it! It's not them, it's the hormones! He's not going to rape you (probably). A boner is nothing to fear. Ask any man, he'll tell you: a boner often means nothing at all!
Love men, love their boners. Men have very strong feelings about their penises, and it's not always feelings of love. For most men, their relationship with their penis is a love/hate thing. It's actually very healing for a guy when a partner loves his penis. Treat his penis like an adorable pet. Make friends with it. Tie a pretty bow around it to make it pretty, or dip it in chocolate syrup to make it extra tasty.
Guys, and their penises, have really gotten a raw deal. It's high time to cut them some slack. That doesn't mean we should give them a blank check - women still have some unmet demands - but yes, please ladies, show some ~compassion~.
Gentlemen:
In a recent letter I talked about men and their testosterone, while barely tipping my hat to women and their hormonal adventures. Indulge me now as I attempt to redress this imbalance.
A woman's life is, hormonally speaking, a real roller-coaster ride. I'm not going to insult your intelligence by saying you men have no idea. Heaven bless you all, I know you have a very good idea. Women are the roller coaster, and you poor bastards are the ones who have been on that ride.
I know, if you have ever loved a woman, that you have suffered because of her hormones. I wish to praise you for the extraordinary good humor with which you have born those indignities. Well done. Jolly good show. As you were. Carry on.
Let's talk about the Bitch Goddess Queen Hormone, *Estrogen* and her salubrious effects, on women, and on human life. Estrogen is the Venus of hormones. Estrogen is what makes women curvaceous and sexy. Estrogen gives us those tantalizing breasts and hips. Estrogen is the Mother and tender lover of us all. Estrogen is the downy cheek, the delicate touch, the sweet kiss and intoxicating perfume of human life, and women are her human agents on earth.
If women are the sky, estrogen is the sun in the sky. It's the chief jewel in the crown of all human hormones. It's what makes women womanly, and it's what makes civilization civilized.
Women are famously known as the gentle sex for good reason. Women are the healers of the world. We give birth, and we nurture and protect the weakest among us, with our fierce love, in the face of the most daunting oppressions, which we face bravely, with intelligence, patience, faith, humor, and courage, because we are a noble sex.
Women are also known as the beautiful sex. Our beauty has inspired sculpture, paintings, poetry, song, and in fact, everything. We also are the beautiful sex because we create such beauty with our own hands.
Women created civilization. In the dawn of humanity, in the stone age, the first civilizations were ruled by women, and all that makes life civilized arose then and there. In the name of the Mother Goddess we created agriculture, architecture, animal husbandry, and medicine. Women invented beer. Women invented art. If you like beer, if you like art, thank estrogen.
Civilization was invented by Goddess-worshipping beer drinkers in fur, and the artists signed their work with their palm-prints: the prints of women and their children. The men hunted for meat: the women did everything else.
Women invented weaving. Women invented pottery. Women invented cooking. Women invented cosmology, philosophy, and religion.
Our stone age ancestors worshipped women, and they worshipped the moon. They noticed that women and the moon seemed to have a mysterious and numinous relationship, and they celebrated it. Women shed blood, and it was good. Blood was the symbol of life and death.
These meat-eating, moon-worshipping cavewomen would paint their lips and fingertips red, as a sign of their fearsome, bloodthirsty ferocity. A Priest of this cult would don the skin and head of a stag, and dance around the fire, while the other men drummed and chanted or sang, and the women would hunt him in a symbolic dance. They would dance around the stag, encircling him, and then they would close in, tightening the circle until the stag had no room left to run. He would brandish his antlers, but the women would laugh, and they would tear him apart, and eat him.
Women still paint their fingertips and lips red, in memory of these bloody rites. Remember that, gentlemen, and never ever underestimate us.
Look, let's face it, without women there's no next generation, and no god damned civilization at all. Without women you guys would still be in caves, parting your hair on the wrong side and wearing checks with stripes!
Women are the powerful sex. The authoritative sex. Women are the mothers of the world. Every woman, any woman, could possibly found a whole nation, could be the new Eve of a new age, and in our bones we know it. Every woman has the ancient mother's magic: mother's magic healing touch, mother's magic pointing finger with the power to bless or curse. The mother's dreadful tone of voice that, pitched just so, can stop you in your tracks as if you'd been sprayed with liquid nitrogen.
Gentlemen: That women are indeed the gentle sex, the compassionate sex, the tender sex, is proven when you remember that we don't always remind you of these things.
Sure, we have a few complaints. Sure, the net catches a few fish...but twelve miles of water got by in the meantime, boys. We let much pass without comment, because, frankly, we're really very nice people.
Women are the forgiving sex. If it wasn't for women's incredible capacity for forgiveness, none of us would have a prayer.
Women are the weepers at the gravesites of the world. We are the ones who give a rat's ass whether you come or go. We care for you. Women are the caretakers of the world.
Women like men, are human beings. All that is excellent in human beings is in them. They can do anything a human being with talent can do: be a warrior, statesman, priest, astronaut. But only a woman is really a girlish, feminine, female, womanly woman, and you can thank estrogen for that.
Unfortunately, you can also thank estrogen for the fact that women aren't as sexually eager as men are. We have work to do: we are busy, absorbed, obsessed. It's difficult to get our attention, because our thoughts are loftily floating around, hobnobbing with angels, not down here in the mud with you.
Men know this. They know in their bones that before you can get a woman to do anything sexy with you, that you have to attract and hold her attention. Our near relatives the great apes handle this little problem by throwing handfuls of vegetation up in the air like confetti, and hooting. Humans in their own way do something very similar: they become rock stars.
Amazingly, this works. It works a little too well. It awakens the cavewoman frenzy in us, and rock stars who fall into our hands are lucky to escape alive.
Women are deep down afraid of our own potential. We know we have awesome power inside, and most of us are too humble to claim and use it. We want you to encourage us, to draw us out, to make us feel desirable and adored. Deep inside, the goddess in our DNA still wants to be worshipped. She still wants love, and she still wants blood. She's a thirsty goddess that needs to be fed, and she wants you to ante up your bodily fluids, right now.
Approach a woman with awe. Fear Her. She is not a toy. If she is gentle with you, be grateful.
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This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 - 2001