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This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001
You have my sympathy.
Try this: go to movies and dancing and out with the girls for a while and remember how to just have simple fun. Take a break from man hunting for a while, because I think you need to turn your thoughts in other directions and just give up on it for a bit. Try to distract yourself with simple pleasures for a while. Find your inner girl and buy her something pretty and love her like a daughter.
Don't try to get emotional nourishment from a new acquaintance. You can't rely on new friends of either sex for more than light pleasures. Who ~can~ you rely on? Maybe what you really need is the love of a mother or old friend right now.
New acquaintances are best cultivated with laughter and easy demands. One common problem is people lean on their fresh acquaintances too soon. Remember how young your relationship is, and don't burden it. The reason young apple trees don't have apples is because they are too slim and green to hold the fruit up off the ground. Relationships are like plants: some are only grass and that's all they will ever be. But an apple tree sapling looks like a blade of grass at first, so be careful and don't trample it. In other words, some people will never be important to you, nor you to them, and they are like grass: they cover the earth. The point is we are wanting apples, so we must look for ways to recognize and cultivate them. Meanwhile, the grass will take care of itself.
When a woman is wanting to be courted she has to also play her part and be a bit mysterious. Too many people get too heavy too soon, talking their guts out all night. Take it easy, keep it light. You have to really not care if he measures up of if you'll see him again. Just have fun! Don't worry about the future at first. Also don't have sex at first! ;) Sex in a young relationship is like trying to climb a sapling...it's too easy, it won't get you very high, and it could ruin things for the future. Please avoid it.
I think that things like homework assignments, and questionnaires are a mistake. Many people rely on such things, but I never have because I'm sure they don't help. ~I'd~ like *everybody* to read every precious silly word I ever wrote, but requiring it of a fella right away is mmmm...not something I would do. I just think maybe you should hold off on that. Find a more casual way of tipping your hand.
Ideally, you arrange to meet the man in a way that is guaranteed to not become a sexual encounter, but you should still have flattering lighting! ;) Look pretty as you can and be smooth. We all should put our best foots forward, and be pleasant. Naturally a guy will test you. Subs like to get a feel for your dominant style, so go ahead and insist on being the one in charge. If they don't like you having it your way, you'll wanna find out!
You can say in your personal ad you want a husband, and if he answers your ad, why, it's already on the table. If you two meet at a club or something you can mention what kinky things interest you, but then make it clear you are hoping for marriage. Say the word "marriage", don't be shy.
If you ~don't~ want marriage, then why worry if he'll be back or even if he likes you? Use him, and throw him away with the condoms. ;) I'm joking (sort of)!
Some people very perversely don't just go away after they scene/have sex with you. Sometimes they hang around, begging for more. Sometimes this grows into something deeper, but sister, don't count on it. Sometimes you don't want it to, as you sometimes realize too late. :/ Here you are trying to cultivate a nice tree, or just clip off a little grass, and you suddenly realize to your chagrin that in the perfect place for your tree is instead some horrible weed with thorns all over it and smelly fibrous roots that go all the way to CHINA! Don't let this happen to you! Don't forget there are some real nogoodniks out there who prey on lonely hearts.
No questionnaire is going to prove your man is a good guy. Only time will reveal that: time and trials.
One day one of you will become impatient to go forward or break up, and you'll either talk of marriage plans and kiss a lot, or you'll fight and cry and break up and get back together and get married, or you just stay broke up...and that's if everything goes well!
Don't be too eager to hook up, or you might hook a badun, and you'll miss your lovely, "lonely" single days then!
Join Alt.com - largest BDSM/Alternative Lifestyle Personals!
This essay and all site contents Copyright L. Goodwin 1990 -2001